Adventures In New Mommyhood

Since Bruce was born I have learned a new way to live. I really DO have snot and spit and spit up and milk and formula all over me on a constant basis. I get out of the shower, nice and clean, and immediately get disgusting again. There is no respite.

In the past six weeks I have flooded the kitchen and tried to burn the house down.

Considering that, last Thursday was my most dramatic day. Yes, more dramatic than water and fire.

I had a 6 month dentist check up and my postpartum OB appointment. There were 3.5 hours separating the two and I felt good about it. The night before I could barely sleep I was so excited to have purpose for leaving the house with Bruce and feeling we could do well out there.

Bruce woke up around 6 or 7 for food. I fed him (which takes an hour), bathed him (he loves baths). I dressed him (like a boss) and held him until he dozed off when I set him in his swing to put my self together. I did my hair (kind-of), put on make-up (mini-triumph and first time since he was born), and got dressed  like a self-respecting human being. I got him all packed up and fed again before we hit the road for the dentist...on time. Killin it.

 I walked into the waiting room and he started fussing, naturally. I took him to the bathroom, avoiding eye contact with everyone on my way there, and tried to feed/soothe him. I left the bathroom and was called to the back. I set him down. He did fine in his carrier for maybe thirty seconds. I asked the lady if I could put him on my lap. She is a mom of three; a 8 y.o. a 5 y.o. and a 5 month old. She said yes. I was trying to rock him while she got me set up when another hygienist came in and offered to take him. She hadn't even finished her offer when I passed him over to her and gasped a "Thanks". Breathing a sigh of relief, I was losing my excitement for the day. At the end of the appointment a new lady came in holding the baby and chatted with me while my mouth was full of that blue juice. We left calling it a success and met Dan for a lunch date.

I don't like lunch dates with Bruce because I think bringing an infant to a restaurant is totally irrational but Dan insisted, I was starving, and he took care of him the whole time. The baby did fine; he fussed quietly off and on. After lunch I had some time to kill before the OB appointment and Dna told me to go get some paint for the bathroom. We lasted maybe five minutes. I grabbed two paint chips and headed out the door with my sad baby.

At the OB office they gave me paperwork to fill out. I immediately freaked out knowing Bruce would never stand for this. I got 1/5 of the way through and he fa-lipped his lid.  I took Bruce out of his god-awful carrier from hell that makes him sweat crazy-bad and tried to bounce him around.  I looked around and noticed the waiting room filled with gorgeous moms and dads-to-be all watching my side show. They all had sweet looks of concern and support. I waved to the crowd and threw my head back. They laughed. I thought about doing the fake gun-to-the-head-motion but quickly decided to act less depressed/crazy-lady.  I talked sweet nothings to Bruce, I offered a paci, I tried to feed him formula. All failed. I was thinking nothing will help this kid so I just pulled the rip cord then and there and told the desk lady we were out. "Are you sure?" she asked sweetly to which I replied, "Hell yes".

We were on our way to the elevators when he completely calmed down. I went to the restroom to test him out and set the carrier on the floor. He lost it again. We left.

I was exhausted driving us home. He had passed out. I needed to mail something but at the Kountze Post office I just sat in the truck in the parking lot trying to convince myself to take him in his carrier and wait in line while juggling a box to be mailed. I rejected all of that and went home.

Once home I went to get him out of his carrier when I realized I hadn't buckled him in it since having taken him out in the Dr's waiting room. I completely lost it. I am a horrible mother, God-forbid anything happened to us on the way home. I pulled myself together so that the tears didn't keep me from seeing the whole picture as I got him out of the truck (I have to lift the carrier above my shoulder height..excursion problems).

I go to take him in and the door to the house is wide open and Lily comes barreling out to greet us. Either an intruder is in the house ( and Lily made best friends) or I failed to completely shut the door (which makes the third time I have done this). I put the kid in the truck in case there was an intruder and went to check out the house. No one was in there. Lily had ripped into dirty diapers stashed in our master bathroom and the guest room. She stole a holiday case of jelly bellys off the kitchen counter and destroyed the packing all over the living room floor and ate the beans, all gone. She even destroyed one of my breast pump cones (I didn't like it anyway). She hid outside where I found her and threw my shoe in her general direction. I got the baby, who was crying from hunger at this point, and went inside to sit by the filth and feed him. He easily took down four ounces. The was very exciting since he hadn't taken this down in about two weeks. Afterwards, he passed out so I put him in his swing while I cleaned.

I went around the house picking up the mess Lily made (thanks to my stupid mistake of not making sure the door was completely closed). I came back to the baby and he had spit up all the formula he had taken. All over his clothes. All over his swing. All over his blankey. At this point I had to laugh. Nothing could get worse. I got the stuff in the washer and and cuddled the baby while my swollen eyes started to burn.

Just ridiculous. I vowed never to leave the house again.

The next day I had to leave the house. We had a pediatrician appointment. The waiting room was empty so the baby was perfect and sleeping. He was 12lbs 4 oz. and the doc said he was perfectly fine and that I was a good mom. 

After the doctor I decided Bruce and I would go somewhere and not leave until I was done. We went to HEB and I got halfway through the store we he started to fuss but I was able to check out and avoid too much anxiety and embarrassment. It was a success.

I still don't like leaving the house but I still try. Maybe one day in the not too distant future this new mom will get it down...or care less when he freaks out in public.