I got a letter from Donald Trump the other day. He asked me to compete in his Miss USA pageant. I was so excited. Then I read that you have to be single, never married. WHERE WAS THIS LETTER YEARS AGO!???? HELLOOOO?! I could have been Miss Texas USA. So close and yet so far. Ya know what, next birthday I'm having a pageant for only people who are married or have been married. Boys AND Girls. Winner gets a sash and flowers. Done. Oh. And confetti. Lots of confetti. I'll have my mom direct it. She won a St Patrick's Day pageant back when I was a baby and she was married. I think her title was "Ms. Erin Go Braugh", or something. Now that's a pageant. Look for your e-vites in 2013.
